fenblogging

one interesting life and adventure with my hubby

Tears are flowing

on April 24, 2014

It’s been a rough few days for me lately, and I’m not sure it’s all hormones or in my head. Little man has had some fussy episodes, and Monday I had bought a bottle of colic calm to try, hoping to hoping to help him feel better.

I feel like hubby and I are snapping at each other constantly. Yesterday it was over just keeping the house tidy, and today it has been because little man was in the twilight zone nursing, and then started screaming. Hubby had just fallen asleep, and he thought I said one thirty when I had said eleven thirty. No one could help his screaming, and I did everything I could to calm him, and had given him the colic calm again this evening, because hubby asked me to before he went to bed. I was tears eyed after his snap, and though he apologized, it didn’t make me feel any better, like I had failed as a mother and a wife. I have been up since then.

Yesterday I had given little man the recommended dose of colic calm, and he has slept hard, to the point where I have become engorged, and could only rouse him to nurse for five minutes. Manual pumping and hand expressing just aren’t as effective, and I am slightly worried that it will affect my supply. While he isn’t crying, he has been sleeping a lot more than I would like, and not nursing enough to help me feel comfortable. I really didn’t want to dose him tonight, and I have him a third of the recommended dose, but he is still pretty much out. I don’t like it, and I am tempted to smash the bottle.

Apparently one of the herbs in the ingredients is a sedative, and it seems to be really working with him, and I would rather he was up screaming, or at least hungry, than out like this. This shouldn’t be the way to handle colic, and if other parents are okay wit this, either their kids aren’t as affected as mine, or they are ok with little constantly sleeping babies. Granted, taking his pictures would be ten times easier, but it still scares me. I think I will stick with the other gripe waters and gas drops. It’s not like sleep is needed anyway.

I just feel so down with all the arguing and lack of help I get from hubby. I am almost looking forward to house sitting for my parents for a week, even if it means I will not get any breaks from little man. I hate fighting and arguing, and we have never really dealt with those sorts of things. We have always been able to talk things out before they become breaking points. I feel like I am asking too much from my hubby, but is it really too much to ask for him to lay all his stuff in one spot, pick up after himself, and take out trash or vacuum once a week? I keep trying to keep the house clean, and it feels like a slippery slope I am failing to climb.

I also feel like an awful parent because I washed little man down (weekly bath time), and as I poured some water over his chest, some of it went in his open mouth and he coughed. Add to the fact that he started screaming in pain as I went to undress him for the bath, and I feel awful. I also feel like I’m going to make him aspirate every time I give him some of the mommy bliss colic drops, so I feel like a nervous wreck. I also hate the fact that it sounds like he has sleep apnea, and chokes in his sleep, since he sleeps in a rocker. So much stress.

I am trying to set little goals for myself, like sewing projects and house stuff, and I’m making a little headway. I still haven’t found the time to work out, but I haven’t found much time to eat, nor much an appetite, so I guess as long as my milk stays up, I will be fine.

I haven’t slept yet tonight, and it feel too depressed and sad to really sleep. I am hoping this isn’t the start of my marriage falling apart, because I love him dearly, and I can’t do this all by myself. Little man deserves better than that. Hubby went to go sleep in the other room when little man was screaming, and that’s when the tears started. I guess it’s time to blow my nose and rouse little man for the other boob so I can sleep with some comfort, these poor breasts are engorged from the stupid colic calm.

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